"I think being a woman is like being Irish." — Iris Murdoch

I don't go to church. Am not a christian.  But this morning I went with my friend Liz and her husband to see this evangelical nondenominational church, because they use this multi-media system that is related to Liz's husband's business.  Don't worry if that's not clear... it doesn't matter.

I didn't mind going.  The only thing I was dreading was being asked whether I was "saved."  Liz's husband Bob said, "Just say yes," but I felt that was chickening out.  So I tried to come up with a snappy, yet nonoffensive reply, but didn't get anywhere...  In the end, I decided to Just Say No, as Nancy Reagan advised.

But nobody asked me.  It turns out they have this "seeker sensitive" approach, which means that when somebody new drops in, they don't go beyond "hi".  No buttonholing.  I guess the idea is, if visitors feel they can get out, they're more likely to come back.  So nobody popped the question.

In the end, I didn't like it.  It wasn't them, though, it was me.  The whole Jesus/Bible/Praise-The-Lord package just does not go down.  No offense.  It just doesn't register, doesn't click, doesn't speak to me.  It's another culture, one that I see in my rear-view mirror.  I don't know whether any religion has a future.  They all look back, don't they?  Everything cool happened in the past, or is hidden in the pie in the sky (which comes by and by).  The present, the earth, the people we know, don't count in the reckoning.  Church is all about remembering and expecting.

They did have this pretty slick multimedia setup, and as the preacher rambled through his overlong, untrimmed sermon, stuff popped up on the screen.  Pictures, text, even movie clips... I have to admit it was pretty cool, although it didn't turn the crappy presentation into gold.

Oh, also, they had a coffee bar, so you could get donuts, coffee, bagels, etc. and sit there munching and sipping throughout the whole service.  Very civilized.  A great step forward.  I should have gotten a BIG cup of coffee, though, because 45 minutes into the sermon (no lie) I began to yawn.  I couldn't help it.  I didn't let the big guy see me, but I yawned all through the second 45 minutes.  I couldn't help it.  The Lord may love a long boring sermon, and Jesus may have bled and died so that pastors can take their time and work out their sermons on their feet (so to speak), but being an unbeliever (more or less) I just had my industrial-strength attention span put to the test.  And I'm proud to say, it passed.  As boring as that sermon was, I actually listened, I didn't space out.  There wasn't much to it, but I was able to stay conscious for the whole 90 minutes, even after the half hour of "worship."

It turns out, I discovered later, that there are many churches that are trying hard (like this one does) to not suck.  Specifically, they try to get away from the ancient, hidebound, uncomfortable, and useless aspects of church.  It's certainly a good idea, although it's not going to get me back.  I mean, one reason the sermon was so bad was that it was based on the belief or feeling that the Bible is a magic book, and that just talking about it is spiritual in itself. It's an attitude that excuses sloppiness and disorganization.  Things that pass for explanations or exegesis are really a painstaking trips through the underbrush, looking for something that's sitting in plain sight.

Anyway, an interesting trip.  Here I'd thought that the church world was standing still or sliding backward (into the past), but some of them are actually trying to contact planet Earth.