"I think being a woman is like being Irish." — Iris Murdoch

Hi, all -- I'm back!  Lovely vacation, yes.  But well, when I got back...

I had left my car at my sister Julie's house.  Julie is just a couple years older than me, and she lives close by in the suburbs.  I live right in the city, and if I'd left my car anywhere here, I would have gotten at least two street-cleaning tickets and risked being towed.

So, Monday night I met Julie at her job and rode with her to her house.  I was still pretty tired from the trip and at one point when Julie said, "I don't know what to do about her.  She's so angry, and she doesn't want to come to [our niece] Courtney's wedding,"  I realized that I'd spaced out and missed something, so I asked, "Who?"  

"Elaine," she said (our oldest sister).  "Didn't you get her email?"

I didn't get any emails lately from Elaine, so Julie explained that Elaine's mother-in-law had died, and NO ONE in our entire family went to the funeral, sent a card or flowers, or even called on the phone.   I didn't get *that* email, and no one had called me, either.  So Elaine sent another email that blasted us all to hell, closed the book, and burnt it.

"Whew!" I said.  "I didn't get either one of those!"

"That's strange," Julie said.  "Ally [another sister] and I were imagining you rolling your eyes over the whole thing."

Hmm, is that how they see me?

So, I started thinking about what kind of letter to write, or whether it would be better to phone, and I figure Nelson usually has a good line on stuff like this, so I called him.

"Your family is so messed up," he said.  "You think it's all normal, but it isn't."  He was pretty pissed, and pointed out that no one in my family has ever called or asked about his mother.  "When Ally came over last time," he pointed out, "she just dropped on the sofa and didn't say anything, but her boyfriend -- the first thing out of his mouth was to ask how my mother's doing."

I hadn't thought.  It was pretty shitty, because in September, the doctors discovered his mother's cancer and gave her two months to live.  Nelson flew to be with her, and when he got there, the doctor's said, "She could die next week."

Well, due to the miracles of modern plus alternative medicine, she is doing very well now.  Looking good, has all her hair and her appetite.  That's where I spent vacation, with my mother-in-law.  Which was great.  No kidding.

But then I find out that it isn't just me whose messed up, it's my WHOLE FAMILY.  Well, maybe it's just my family.

So, I have to do something about Elaine.  First Elaine, then the rest of the family, then myself, maybe...